Finding Courage
by greeneyes-blondequiffs
Summary: Kurt Hummel-Smythe and his husband Sebastian have been trying to have a baby for the past five years. When Kurt suffers his sixth miscarriage he decides that he cannot risk going through that sort of heartache again. They look into adoption and that's when they meet Blaine Anderson. Warnings for mpreg and AU.


"I don't like the idea of this, Kurt" Sebastian muttered tersely, as they sat in the waiting room of the Westerville Ohio Adoption Agency. It was the first time either of them had spoken since they had taken their seats. Sebastian had been restlessly flicking through a trashy magazine while Kurt anxiously watched the hands of the clock slide at what seemed to be glacial pace from one number to the next. He had reached for a magazine but withdrew his hand as though burned when the front page featured pictures of celebrities with headlines "Pregnant again!" and "Third baby at age forty!" He didn't need another reminder that everyone in the world seemed to be able to get pregnant and give birth to healthy children except him.

"So you've said on several occasions" Kurt replied in his deathly-quiet voice. He was sitting ramrod straight in his chair, his chin lifted in what had become his default defensive position. Sebastian sighed heavily, tossing the magazine aside.

"Look, Kurt. I don't see why we can't try one more time. We're still young for God's sake. There's no reason why the next baby wouldn't..." He trailed off uncomfortably as Kurt swallowed hard, tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

"I told you I _can't_" he said, fighting to keep his voice even. The last thing he wanted was to break down in tears in the adoption clinic and have everyone think he was too emotionally unstable to care for a child. "I can't go through that, not again." He impatiently rubbed his palm across his eyes, brushing away the wetness. "And besides, adoption is a very worthwhile thing to do. We'll be giving a little baby a home that he or she might not have had otherwise."

"But the baby won't be our own" Sebastian replied darkly. "It shits me that we'll never be in a hospital somewhere, looking down at our newborn, arguing over who he or she resembles the most."

Kurt's throat constricted painfully. As much as he loved Sebastian, he dearly wanted to punch him in the face at that moment. Didn't his husband realise that thoughts like that had tormented Kurt ever since he lost his first baby? He had been fantasising about holding hearing "congratulations you have a son" and holding his sweet-smelling baby, looking into glasz blue eyes that matched his own...Kurt shook his head, trying to clear it. Genetics didn't matter. Looks didn't matter. He would love their child regardless and that would be enough.

"How am I supposed to explain this to my father?" Sebastian hissed. "You know his feelings on adopted children – "

"Well lucky we're not asking your father to raise it then" Kurt said, in a voice of forced calm. "I told you, it is none of your father's business what we do with our lives."

Sebastian said nothing but looked like he was chewing his tongue as though literally biting back the frustrated diatribe he longed to throw at Kurt. He restlessly checked his watch.

"God, I hope they hurry up" he complained. "I have a meeting with a client in an hour." Sebastian was a highly successful lawyer who was well-known for his successes in the court room. He worked long hours – but would still have plenty of time to dedicate to the raising of a child, Kurt had been careful to write on their application form – and earned so much money that their future child would want for nothing. While Sebastian had picked a career path and followed it firmly ever since he graduated high school, Kurt's career path had been more winding with a few false turns. After failing to get accepted into NYADA straight from school, Kurt had been employed as an intern at . At much persistence from Rachel, Kurt had applied to NYADA again in December. Much to his surprise he was offered a place, and despite liking his job at he had been forced to give it up. Kurt wanted to be able to dedicate all his time to perfecting his performances and honing his talent so remaining at Vogue, even part-time, was not an option for him.

Unfortunately, NYADA wasn't what Kurt had hoped it to be, or maybe it was everything he hoped it would be, but it just wasn't for him. He remembered telling a shocked-and-disapproving Rachel that although performing was a passion for him, he wanted it to be more of a hobby. NYADA was so focussed on perfecting technique that all the fun had been drained out of performance. If he was honest, Kurt was imagining that NYADA would be like Glee club, only more of it. In reality it was an aggressive, competitive environment that was making chills crawl up his back at the mere thought of singing. Kurt did not want a treasured pastime to become a chore, so at the end of what would have been his first year, he left. After six months of soul-searching and working at the Lima Bean, Kurt had decided to follow his passion for clothing. He applied to a prestigious school in New York, was accepted after a gruelling interview and selection process, and four years later graduated with a degree and first-class honours. Initially he had worked for other designers, but two years ago he had started his own business _Hummel Designs_, that to his delight had really taken off. He had a small group of people working for him, but he designed most of the clothes and controlled pretty much everything to do with the business. The best part of working for himself was the Kurt was able to do most of his designing at home which would be perfect for when he and Sebastian had a baby.

"Mr Hummel-Smythe?" The cool, crisp voice of the receptionist broke Kurt out of his reminiscence. Kurt quickly wrapped his arm around Sebastian's waist in an attempt to create the picture of a perfect couple. There was no denying that Kurt's miscarriages, Sebastian's father's meddling and Kurt's decision that he could not face trying to conceive again had taken their toll on his relationship with Sebastian. As Kurt had told Rachel last night over a generous slice of cheesecake, he and Sebastian were in a really shitty place at the moment. They communicated mainly in hisses and bitchy, sarcastic remarks, Sebastian's father had made several unsubtle comments about Kurt 'not being good breeding stock', and Kurt couldn't remember the last time they had made love, without the intention of Kurt falling pregnant.

"That's not a good sign, Kurt" Rachel had said in a caring-but-still-infuriatingly knowledgeable tone. "Sex is a barometer for what is going on in the relationship. Finn and I – " Kurt had given himself permission to tune out at Rachel's mention of her sex life with his step-brother, unceremoniously stuffing more cheesecake into his mouth.

But it was okay. It was _going to be_ okay. Two days ago, the adoption agency had called, saying that a pregnant teenager had read over Kurt and Sebastian's file and selected them. Kurt was convinced that once they knew for sure that in less than a year, they would be holding their beautiful newborn baby, everything would go back to how it had been before they got weighed down with all these difficulties in starting a family.

Kurt nervously led Sebastian into the room the receptionist motioned towards. He took in that it was white, clinical and felt his palms begin to sweat. He was just taking a breath to steady himself when a smiling blonde woman, about his age, entered the room, carrying a clipboard.

"Hello, I'm Quinn Fabray" she said as she took a seat behind the large mahogany desk. "It's lovely to meet you both. I'm going to be managing your case throughout the entire adoption process so if you have any questions at all, either today or later, please feel free to ask me."

"Nice to meet you" Kurt said quietly, trying to find a way to subtly wipe his palms on his trousers.

"Now, as I told you over the phone" Quinn said as she ruffled through the documents in her clipboard, "we've found you a baby. Seventeen-year-old Blaine Anderson read your application and immediately decided that he wanted you to be the parents of his unborn child."

"Blaine?" Kurt murmured, almost reverently. He could finally put a name to the wonderful person who was giving him the opportunity to be a parent. "So, he's male?"

"Yes" Quinn confirmed. Kurt squeezed Sebastian's hand, trying to urge some kind of reaction out of him.

"That's fantastic" his husband said. Kurt fought the temptation to roll his eyes. With that wooden performance it was hard to believe Sebastian had ever been a star of the Dalton Academy Glee club.

"Can we meet him?" Kurt asked eagerly, ignoring how Sebastian stiffened at the question. This boy was giving them his _child_, the least Kurt could do was meet with him and thank him for this amazing gift.

"Of course" Quinn said, smiling encouraging. Kurt beamed back. He felt like a weight he had been carrying around for the past five years had been suddenly lifted. "There's just a few things we need to go over first."

Kurt nodded, watching in anticipation as Quinn extracted a form from the clipboard. "So, Blaine is currently fifteen weeks pregnant. He is staying at The Westerville Homeless Shelter –"

"What?" Kurt asked shakily, covering his mouth with his hand. "Why?"

"I'm afraid I don't know" Quinn replied gently. "Blaine has been very tight-lipped about, well, everything really. We know that he is seventeen years old. When he contacted the agency we took him to an ultrasound appointment and the baby appears to be healthy. We have deduced that he used to attend Dalton Academy as he has a Dalton blazer and jumper – "

"Oh my God!" Kurt interrupted excitedly. "That's where Sebastian studied." He squeezed Sebastian's hand, leaning into Quinn. "Not to brag but he was _very _well-known there. He was a lead singer in their Glee club and graduated top of his class." Even though Quinn said that he and Sebastian had already been chosen, he felt it couldn't hurt to emphasise his husband's achievements.

"Oh, lovely" Quinn said, returning Kurt's enthusiastic smile. Kurt gave his husband an expectant glance.

Sebastian snorted. Quinn raised her eyebrows politely. "I'm sorry" Sebastian said, sounding amused. "But it seems Dalton has lowered its standards since I was there. You see, Dalton never used to admit tramps who got themselves knocked up half way through senior year".

"Sebastian!" Kurt gasped, feeling himself blush at his husband's tactlessness. "You know absolutely nothing about this boy, or his circumstances. And need I remind you that he is the reason we are going to be parents, so show some respect."

Quinn pursed her lips, but Kurt was grateful that she didn't comment on what had just happened. "Like I said, it appears that he attended Dalton Academy. We have tried to inquire about his parents, but he just won't answer any of our questions. When I asked about the identity of the father of his baby – " Quinn took a deep breath, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Look, to be honest, I suspect that something...awful...has happened to him" she said, giving Kurt a meaningful look. "At any mention of the baby's father, Blaine completely shuts down and starts shaking. Therefore, you have to understand that we may never know anything about the father, and you need to be able to accept that."

"Of course" Kurt said immediately. He had read enough pamphlets to know that some adoptive parents basically wanted a full genetic profile of the biological mother and father of their future child. Kurt had read over those paragraphs in disgust: he couldn't understand how some people could be so ungrateful. Who cares if their child was predisposed to some disease? It would still be their child and they should love it and accept it no matter what.

Sebastian threw Kurt an _are-you-crazy? _look. He turned to face Quinn. "So you're saying that this –" he screwed up his face, "- boy – "

"Blaine" Kurt murmured fondly. It was a lovely name really. It just kind of rolled off his tongue and Kurt enjoyed the feel and sound of it.

"Fine, Blaine" Sebastian conceded, "may have been...has he been tested for diseases?"

Kurt rolled his eyes at the audacity of his husband. Sebastian's direct, ruthless nature was an asset in the courtroom, but it was a trait Kurt wished he wouldn't bring home.

"We have screened his blood and it appears that he is all clear" Quinn said, her tone disapproving.

"Quinn" Kurt said quickly, as Sebastian was opening his mouth, clearly preparing to say some other politically incorrect statement. "Is it possible for us to meet Blaine? I mean, I would love to see him, and thank him in person for this incredible gift." He smiled hopefully.

Quinn returned his soft smile. "I think that's a good idea" she said.

Thirty minutes later – Sebastian impatiently looking at his handsome Rolex watch – Kurt parked their car behind Quinn's red convertible. They had agreed to follow her car here and Kurt was grateful that he had decided to drive as Sebastian had spent the whole trip complaining about the pace their case worker had set.

The shelter was worse than Kurt had imagined. It was dank, smelled slightly musty and it was obvious that no one milling around the front desk was there because they wanted to be. On the way in Kurt caught a whiff of something that he was fairly certain was marijuana and his heart ached for the teenager who clearly had no option but to live here.

_Where are his parents? _It was the question Kurt had been asking himself every few minutes as he followed Quinn's car. He chewed on his bottom lip trying to imagine a situation where his father would kick him out of the house. He just could not envisage that situation. Couldn't picture something that would cause his father to just give up on him and not want to do everything in his power to help Kurt.

Kurt clutched Sebastian's hand as they approached the front desk. His husband was looking unashamedly disgusted. This was to be expected: Sebastian had always refused to pick Kurt up from McKinley because he 'couldn't stand the stench of public schools'. This shelter was about one hundred times worse that even the most revolting classroom at McKinley. Kurt smiled ruefully as he realised that Sebastian had probably never even seen a place like this, much less entered it.

"Hi" Quinn said politely, looking hopefully at the matronly-looking receptionist. "I was hoping to see Blaine Anderson."

The receptionist nodded. Kurt was struck by just how world-weary she seemed looked. The woman wasn't old by any means – Kurt was guessing early thirties – but she carried herself as if she had seen an ugly side to human nature that was impossible to un-see. Kurt felt a pang at his comparatively privileged upbringing, lovely house, and well-paying job. He hated to think about the life circumstances that would bring anyone – let alone a pregnant teenager – to this place.

"He's in room nineteen, down the corridor on your left" the receptionist said tonelessly.

"Thank you."

Quinn's high heels clicked as she led them down the corridor. They passed a few people on their way, all with that same dead look in their eyes. Something in Kurt's chest seemed to clench and twist painfully. He gave Quinn what he hoped was a smile as she stopped in front of room nineteen and briskly knocked on the door. There was a short silence and then –

"It's open" a tiny voice called.

Quinn pushed the door open and Kurt had to restrain himself from rushing forward and wrapping poor Blaine up in his arms, promising that nothing would ever hurt him again.

Blaine was just so _small. _He sat on his bed, knees pulled up to his chest and chin resting on top of them. His skin looked like it was usually a rich tan colour, but it was currently a pale colour that spoke of ill-health. Dark, bruise-like circles ringed his eyes as though it had been days, weeks since he had enjoyed a good night's sleep. Kurt's eyes lingered on him, taking in his thick, curly hair and large, honey-golden eyes. It was hard to look away: even in his pitiful state Blaine's eyes had an intensity to them that seemed to draw him in.

"Hi Blaine" Kurt murmured. He wasn't sure why he was whispering, but he felt like he was approaching an abused animal and needed to be cautious or he'd spook him. Blaine didn't respond, but his eyes locked into Kurt's and Kurt could have sworn his lips twitched into something that wasn't quite a smile.

It was clear that Blaine had had a good home at some point in his life. His tiny body was dressed prettily in a red, short sleeved shirt that tightly encased the muscles of his upper arms. His jeans appeared to be tight-fitting but he just looked so achingly _young. _

"God, he's beautiful Kurt" Sebastian whispered in his ear. Kurt hummed in agreement. Blaine was gorgeous. Kurt felt a chill at just how childlike and innocent his eyes were; it was near-impossible to imagine him doing the very thing that got him pregnant in the first place.

"Nice to meet you Blaine" Sebastian said loudly. His voice seemed to echo around the bland room and Kurt just wanted to slap a muzzle on him so he could stop making this situation so awkward and uncomfortable.

"It's nice to meet you too" Blaine said, his voice soft, but poised, polite. Sebastian looked mildly impressed.

"Well brought up too, apparently" he murmured in Kurt's ear. Kurt felt himself blush: as if any of that mattered. Blaine was giving him the most precious gift in the world. Kurt couldn't have cared less about his upbringing, or his looks, or anything else about him really. To his surprise, Kurt was suddenly gripped with a desire to know _everything _about Blaine. Where did he grow up? Did he like music? What was his favourite subject at school? He started when he realised he was gazing into Blaine's soft, honey-coloured eyes. God, he was breathtaking.

"How are you?" Kurt murmured, reaching forward, hoping to place a reassuring hand on the teenager's shoulder. Blaine delicately recoiled, shaking his head slightly and Kurt reluctantly withdrew his hand, not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable.

"I'm okay" he whispered. He was shaking again. Kurt wondered if he was cold, or if the source of his trembling was a much more complex issue. He was seized with an urge to march down to that reception desk and demand that they turned the heating up because poor Blaine was cold, and Blaine shouldn't be cold.

"Well, we better get going" Sebastian said briskly. "I have a client to meet with. I'm a lawyer" he added, apparently for Blaine's benefit as he stared straight at the young man as he said it.

"Yeah, I know" Blaine replied softly, nodding his head towards their open file on his bed. Kurt was illogically pleased that Blaine still had it out. As much as he wanted to know Blaine, he also wanted Blaine to know him. As if by reading the words Kurt had so carefully written, he would be able to understand just how well Kurt was care for the child that was currently growing inside Blaine. "You must have worked really hard to get where you are. Congratulations."

Impeccable manners, Kurt thought absently. He rose from his seat and tried to smile at Blaine in a way that communicated all the things he was thinking but couldn't possibly say out loud. That _I barely know you but I can already tell that you are an amazing person_ and _thank you for choosing Sebastian and I to raise your baby_ and _I'm so sorry that bad things have happened to you and that the world has hurt you because you don't deserve any of it. _

"Wait, um, before you go I...I have something for you" Blaine stuttered. He stood up gracefully, lithely stepping across the small room. Kurt's mouth fell open as his eyes were drawn to Blaine's belly. He hadn't been able to see it due to the way Blaine had been sitting, curled into himself, on the bed, but now that he was upright the growth inside him was obvious. Kurt ran his eyes down the teenager's body, noticing his toned chest and how as he scanned down his torso it curved outwards into an adorable bump. Blaine's belly was pressing firmly against the thin material of his shirt and Kurt noticed that the last two buttons were undone: clearly it was becoming too tight. Blaine looked quite big for fifteen weeks – _because he's so little_ Kurt thought sadly. Blaine was significantly shorter than he was and his waist was absolutely miniscule. The growing baby clearly had nowhere to go but out.

As Blaine rummaged through his bag, Kurt continued to admire his body. There was nothing wrong with appreciating his beauty, Kurt thought, though he still felt guilty. Blaine was ten years younger than him, and Kurt was married. But he couldn't stop unbidden thoughts making their way to the front of his mind. _Lovely thighs. _Even clad in jeans, Kurt could tell they were lightly muscled – dancer's thighs, perhaps? It wasn't impossible; Blaine moved very well, Kurt had noticed that when he had sort of glided across the room.

Eventually Blaine found what he was looking for, extracting a small piece of paper and thrusting it into Kurt's hand without looking at it. Kurt turned the picture over and immediately identified it as an ultrasound picture. Blaine's baby. _Their baby. _

"It was taken at my twelve week scan" Blaine murmured, staring at his toes. "You can keep it, I-I never look at it anyway."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked, mesmerised by the photograph. Blaine nodded fervently, curls bouncing against his forehead, but his eyes were tinged with sadness.

"Yeah. I want you to have it" he said, staring intently at Kurt. He rubbed his hand absently over his distended belly. "It's your baby, after all."

Kurt's chest ached at the statement, and how broken Blaine sounded when he said it. Once again he wanted to gather Blaine into his arms and press soft kisses into his hair and reassure him that it would _always _be his baby. He and Sebastian were going to raise it and care for it, but they would never be able to erase the fact that it was part Blaine. And, Kurt realised, he never wanted to. He imagined holding a toddler with curly dark hair, knowing that he would think of Blaine every time he ran his fingers through them.

Sebastian took Kurt's hand and pulled at him, encouraging him to leave. But suddenly Kurt couldn't do it. He couldn't just walk away from this boy who clearly needed him and had no one in the world to look out for him.

"Blaine...would you like to come and live with Sebastian and I?"


End file.
